Home > Theatre > The Trials and Tribulations of Vicky Vixen Monologue

The Trials and Tribulations of Vicky Vixen Monologue

Monologue performed November 6, 2009, at the Eclectic Company Theatre. As part of the late night serial, The Trials and Tribulations of Vicky Vixen. 

The Trials and Tribulations of Vicky Vixen

A spot comes up to reveal Vicky Vixen in the center of the stage by herself. She is addressing her Ex-Super Villain support group.


Hi, my name is Vicky Vixen and I’m an Evil Mastermind Super Villain.

Waits for everyone to respond.

It’s been over a year since I attempted an evil exploit.

Everybody applauds. 

Thank you, I want to add that I’m still a mastermind and have super powers; I just use them for good now. Which I have to say is rewarding. Not rewarding in the sense that I get paid, although lord knows that would be nice. You would think a little monetary consideration would be in order, considering I just stopped Newt Gingrich from destroying the city…

See’s that people are confused.

…What? Oh, no, not that Newt. I’m talking about Professor Newt Gingrich, famed half man, half salamander, all evil. You like that, huh? Yeah, well don’t be too impressed. I was the one that came up with it for him. That was back in my evil days when I dating more dubious company. And I have to say, for a genius evil mad man, I mean Sala… I mean an evil mad thing; you would think he would come up with a better plan for taking down the city than by introducing salmonella into the cities Escargot supply. Stupid moron, and a bad lay to boot. Still though, if he got away with it that would have been somewhat of a problem for Triumphant Falls. You would think a little something for the effort would be in order, but alas no, nothing. Well I can’t say nothing, because I have that warm fuzzy feeling inside from doing good, which is nice and the respect and admiration of the people. Let’s not forget the people. They love me. Well not all the people. There are still some with sore feelings from my former glory days. To which I say come on. I mean that trans-dimensional implosion device didn’t even go off and most people’s hair grew right back. Was it really necessary to key the Vixen-Mobile? Vixen-Mobile is my code name for my Honda insight. Doesn’t really have a lot under the hood but I can sleep at night because of the low carbon footprint. Which is nice, and ecologically responsible of me.

Someone snickers. Vicky squints her eyes and looks in the audience. 

Oh, up yours Beast Person. I’ve seen that piece of crap that you drive. Jerk off… (Recomposes herself) I have to admit, it’s been hard. I mean I was Vicky Vixen, fear and loathed by millions. Right? Anyway at the time I thought that I loved it but after I discovered my arch-nemesis was really my sister when our evil biological mother turned up in a mad ploy to take over the world, which ironically I had to stop. Well after that, something inside me just clicked and said this just isn’t right. I need to clean up my act and fly right. Now I have dedicated myself to good and hope one day to be loved instead of loathed. But as I said before its hard, but most great things in life are, right? (Gets lost in thought) Yeah, anyway, I’m Vicky Vixen Ex-Evil Mastermind and Super Villain and I want to thank you for you time.

Spot fades on Vicky Vixen.

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