Home > Theatre > Madam Lydia Monologue (Part 3)

Madam Lydia Monologue (Part 3)

By Jeff Folschinsky

Madam Lydia, as played by the very talented Taylor Ashbrook.

Great spirits from beyond, hear me calling?

(Sits there for a second waiting for something to happen.)

Bring me the answers from the great beyond.

(Waits again for something to happen.)

Ah, Come on, what’s wrong with you stupid spirits? I’m sorry, I know you’re not stupid but this is really embarrassing. It’s the price hike isn’t it? We’ve had this conversation before, it’s not like I have a choice. This economy is killing me. Besides, it not like you still need the money and your relatives don’t seem to mind. I mean, it’s not like they would’ve gotten anything if I didn’t pass along the information you gave me. Okay, yes I know it’s wrong to exploit my gift like that but a ladies got to make a living you know. Hello? Hello?

(To the Young Lady.)

Sorry, I’m still having trouble getting in contact with the spirits. They’re still not feeling very chatty for some reason. Which is funny, because when I don’t want them around they’re non-stop chatter boxes, but as soon as I need them, nothing. Which is really pissing me off because they’re breaking the rules. You see, when you make a deal with a spirit, as long as you hold up your end, they have to honor the conditions of that deal. I don’t know, it’s like some sort of cosmic rule, or something that prevents them from going back on their word in the afterlife.

(Looks up in the air as if addressing the spirits.)

So I’m a little confused on what the hell is going on here.

(To the Young Lady.)

Sorry, as you can tell I’m a little agitated right now, but can you blame me? I give these spirits my all; that’s just the way I am. I never do anything half way, and it’s not like I expect too much from them in return, besides just a little common courtesy.

(Looking up in the air again as if addressing the spirits.)

Like telling me you were all going to take the day off today. I mean come on, how is a person suppose to anticipate something like that. Especially since it’s never happened before, like ever.

(To the Young Lady)

I hope they’re okay.

(To the spirits)

Is that it? Has something bad happened to you? I mean I’m sort of jumping to some scarey conclusions here. I mean, you’re all dead, so if you’re scared of something. What does that mean for the rest of us? Hello? Hello?  Fine, if you don’t want to talk to me, then I don’t want to talk to you either. Two can play this game. I’ll just sit here and not say a word. Nope, not a single word. I’ll just sit here all alone with nothing but me, myself and all these people staring at me and say nothing.

(To the Young Lady)

God, this is so pathetic. I’ve resorted to the kind of things that my nephew Pete does when I bail him out of jail. Yes, I know I said I wasn’t going to talk but I meant to them, not you.

(To the spirits.)

Just to clarify, I’m still not talking to you. I’m just talking to this nice lady, and this is not communication between us right now, just clarification.

(To the Young Lady)

I mean, obviously I have to talk to you. It’s not like you did anything wrong. I mean it’s not like you made my life a living hell for years. You didn’t cause people to look at you as if you were crazy, because they saw what looked like you constantly talking to yourself. You didn’t cause your parents to take you out of high school only to have you committed to an institution, because they thought you were going crazy. No, you didn’t do any of those things so why shouldn’t I talk to you? You’ve done nothing wrong, just like me.

(To the spirits)

Do you hear that? I’ve done nothing wrong. I don’t deserve this you dead bastards, I didn’t do anything wrong. Do you hear me? Well, do you? Why won’t you talk to me?

(To the Young Lady.)

I’m sorry this highly unprofessional of me. I’m normally not like this, really I’m not. Do you mind if I take a quick break? I just need a few moments to collect myself. Thanks.

(MADAM LYDIA leaves the stage.)


Monologue performed June 1, 2012 as part of ECT’s Eclectic Voices Show, “The Theory of Silence”. Madam Lydia was played by Taylor Ashbrook.

Click Here to Hear Performance

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