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Law and Order Appreciation Day

Law and Order Appreciation Day
By Jeff Folschinsky

This year for Law and Order Appreciation Day I bought a Remington 12 Gauge automatic shotgun. It has a motion sensor rigged to the trigger and I have it pointed at the front door. Ready to blow whoever walks through it to kingdom come.

Extreme you think?

Maybe, but after last year, I’m not taking any chances.

This day use to be a lot more civilized. One day of lawless disorder to make us appreciate the other three hundred and sixty four days out of the year we did have things under control.

I mean, how can something like that get misconstrued?

I don’t know, I can understand the occasional fist and knife fight, but when homemade high explosives and bad intensions start becoming a yearly tradition. Well, then it’s time for everyone to start rethinking the whole thing.

I mean I can understand why this day came into being with everything going to a hell in a hand basket. We had turned into a such a litigious society that the courts and laws had become meaningless.

Why my Aunt Jenny was successfully sued by the man robbing her house, because he burnt his hand on her slow cooker.

Can you believe that? I mean that’s just not right.

The woman was just making some red beans and rice for her church function the next day, and some a-hole comes along and takes away her life savings because he wasn’t paying attention to where he put his hand.

I guess with enough of those stories going around, this day made a lot of sense to everyone.

Especially when that drunken congressman brought up the idea on the evening news.

I remember it like it was yesterday. Camera’s pointed at him while he yelled out, “the problem is that we as a society don’t have any respect for the laws anymore. If we did away with them for one day and let everyone do whatever the hell they wanted. Then I’m sure everyone would find a new found respect for Law and Order the rest of the year”.

Most people thought it was funny and I personally got a really good chuckle out of it, but a lot of people took his drunken rantings serious.

Letters and phone calls started flooding capital hill saying that this man was on to something. Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before?

So politicians did what they did best in a situation like that. They ran with it.

It seem like everyone of those gas bags were tripping over each other trying to be the first one to submit their bill. I’m sure they all thought they would grab some headlines and that would be the end of it. I’m sure it never occurred to them in their wildest dreams it would actually pass into law.

I would of loved to seen the look on their faces when it did.

Why, I’m sure every one of them thought they were the only one’s voting yes. Probably thought it would give them credit as some maverick renegade politician type trying to shake things up in Washington.

Well, they shook things up alright.

When the first Law and Order Appreciation Day came. There were a record number of road rage cases and I would say there were fair amount of riots too, but since there wasn’t any Law Enforcement that day. I don’t think you can technically call it a riot with nothing to riot against. I think that’s just plain old vandalism?

Which I believe took the fun out of it for a lot of people. Since the next year those numbers dropped considerably.

And that’s the strangest thing of all.

As ridiculous and irresponsible as the whole thing sounded; it worked.

Everyone noticed a considerable drop in crime for the rest of the year, and if you were taking someone to court. You bet, you were damn well sure you were in the right. Since once a year the person you were suing could legally come after you with a flame thrower.

I mean something like that really makes you think twice before filing a frivolous lawsuit.

It seem to solve so many problems we were having and I hate to be that person whose always complaining, but lately it seems like things are getting out of control.

Now, I’m a grow man, so I can deal with the no-holds-barred mixed gender fight clubs that seem to pop up every year. The full contact scavenger hunts are annoying, but what am I going to do about it? And I’m not one for blasphemy, but the yearly tradition of dressing the statue of jesus in front of the local Baptist church up as a drag queen. Well that really makes me laugh.

All these things are fine and I kind of look forward to them in a weird perverse kind of way.

It’s the breaking and entering and terrorizing families just because people wanted to know what it felt like. Or the people walking out into the middle of the street, challenging their neighbors to a full on duel for some imagined offense. Or the roaming pack of teenagers with out-of-control hormones walking the streets without anything restraining them. Those are the things that really have me concern.

I don’t know, maybe I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill? I mean sure, I could go outside and shoot out and knee cap or two and get into the spirit of things. Instead of always complaining about it but I just don’t think I’m that kind of person. At least I like to think so. I guess you never know until you’re put yourself into that situation.

Maybe that’s the hidden meaning behind this day? Finding out what we’re truly capable of, and seeing how far all of us have evolved as human beings.

God, I hope not.

I mean, how depressing is that? To think everybody has that much wickedness in them, just waiting to come out. Maybe instead of Law and Order Appreciation Day, we should call it Purging Day, because it seems like that’s what happens. The entire country purges itself from what’s building up inside of it.

Regardless, I try to be a good person three hundred and sixty five days out of the year. That’s why I’m in my home, sitting in my rocking chair, behind all these home made booby traps. I figured I’d just put out some warning signs and let fate take it’s course.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. That’s just me passively joining in on what I am complaining about, and you might be right. But at the end of the day at least I can sleep at night, and that’s got to count for something. As far as meaning goes, I guess that’s probably the best we can hope for out of something like Law and Order Appreciation day. Just being able to live with ourselves three hundred and sixty five days out of the year.

Then again, maybe it’s just a chance to blow something up? I don’t know, to each their own I guess.


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